Noob here. Need some advice... « Forum for true lovers, Girls n Boys

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Noob here. Need some advice...

(10 posts) (2 voices)

Started 2 years ago by tintin
Latest reply from SaurabhStar , the admin

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tintin
Member

**Beware! Long post!**

Ok, so I have been scouring the net looking for a place to find help. Fortunately, I have found this forum which seems to be the answer to my quest. :-)

At the very beginning I should say I have never been in love. Never had a girlfriend. (not any different from your average Indian teen). I have had crushes on some girls in my childhood but that's about it. But this time, things seem a whole lot different. I don't know if I'm still in crush-mode or is this the real thing. But various things tell me maybe this is the latter case.

I met her during our vacational training about 1.5 years back. I have been smitten since I saw her - from her chatter, her intelligence, her smiles, the way she says certain words; with a curious inflection of her voice. Even though we are from the same place, we both studied elsewhere. We met during the vacations...I went to visit her at her home. We've been texting throughout this time, though mostly harmless, innocent sms-es.
I had some trouble with a few papers in college (long story), at which point we didn't have much contact. But now both our Bachelor's are done. She's off doing Mtech. and I'm preparing for the RHCE exam to go for sys-admin work in linux. In our last sems we've been texting frequently.

Since we are located differently, I suggested we write each other letters to get to know each other better. Throughout this time I have been careful not to describe myself as a friend to her. (crafty, na?) We've exchanged a few letters that have created a level of trust. We chat everyday (nearly) and that has helped too. I don't know if she sees me just as a friend or is looking to something more, since I have never revealed my feelings. The vibes that I get from her give me hope. But it may just be me misinterpreting.

She's coming soon back to our town (Durga Puja vacs). Should I tell her how I feel? Should I wait? Because right now things are going so well, I'm afraid I might screw things up. The last thing I want her to think of me is as some 'despo' character, you know. I have told her I thinking up something we could do together when she comes. She's (nearly) agreed to it. So advise me, what and how should I plan?

I feel jubiliant hearing her voice, communicating with her. I keep thinking how great it would be when I meet her. Going through a day without some communication is agonising. Is this love, the real thing? Or am I deluding myself? Please help.

PS - Feel free to ask me any additonal info, as long as it does not betray our identities.

Posted 2 years ago #
SaurabhStar , the admin
Luv Guru

[b]Hello Tintin[/b] and welcome to the [b]loving community[/b] of vlovers. Thanx for posting your experience and queries. I appreciate that you posted sightly long post (its not long :lol: ) and expect the same in coming posts of yours :-) . I inferred a few things about you - You are a competitive kinda guy, You're practical, You can be trusted upon, You are caring, Your heart is soft (should I say soft enough to be hurt easily). You do a little show-off (Don't disagree with me, u should accept it.). [i]I will tell you many more things about you, your relationship with the gorgeous and how should things go[/i].
[b]Whether you are in love ?[/b] - 1. If you are Mr. Tintin, how about she being Mrs Tintin ? - Just ask yourself this question when you are busy and tell me truly things which your mind shouted for or visualised at that moemnt.
2. Suppose she does something which you really didn't want her to do or which is unexpected to you. - How would you react ?
All answers should be given not according to what is right or wrong but as you visualise or feel about the situation..
Now one more thing that I should tell you - You must know whether you want her to give her warm company throughout your life. Just get the answer of this and you don't need to find whether she is in love with you or not (This is the mistake people do in cases like yours), You just have to work actively to get her love in your life. I'll detail about everything in my coming posts..
You told about yourself but I need some input about the girl also like what are her hobbies? Does she interact with other boys also? Is she introvert or extrovert? What about her talent? When does she chat with you generally(whether during day or night?)?

[u]Just come up with answers and I assure you that you'll get really longer post from me[/u] :wink:

Posted 2 years ago #
tintin
Member

Thanks Saurabh for your interest and your frank questions. Shouldn't expect any less from a 'love-guru'. :-) And I accept your assessments.
Answers to your queries:

1. About she being Mrs. Tintin? I tried to think of us in such a role. What I felt was a sense of pride (of accomplishment). Don't know why. In some parts I felt some trepidation and anxiousness. I also feel a little uncomfortable thinking she might not be totally at ease/comfortable in that role. As if its been forced on her. I guess that shows my insecurities. These are the things I honestly felt.

2. That was a little difficult because I haven't seen her act out of character. So I tried to think of something which I might not like - her going out to eat (say) with another guy without telling me. I would probably ask her bluntly where she's been (even though I know the answer). And then I would say,'you could have told me, na?' and probably feel sorry for myself. I won't shout or anything, just keep the anger/resentment within me. (Now I feel really bad.)

I hope that was detailed enough. At this point, I feel we can grow closer together and learn and see things endlessly. I feel I have found somebody I can closely confide in without fear. (haven't felt this with anybody, even my parents or close friends). I dream and see me and her going forward and doing many things in life. Don't ask me what, even I don't know, its just what I feel.
You are absolutely right that the onus is on me. She's coming for a few days (coming 24th to 5th). And I was thinking what I can do to make these 10 days really special for her. I can't go around to her house everyday for obvious reasons. So I was thinking each day I would do something to surprise and please her. Like on the first day, when she comes I would request her friends who are here (whom I don't know) to go en-masse
and greet her. I know it might sound really silly, just something I was trying to think up. I would plan something for each of the days she's here. In this way, even by my not being directly involved, I can bring a smile to her face.

About her : She's very friendly, chatty and extrovert kind of person. She's ambitious and dedicated to her studies. Not just because she wants to be successful but also because she likes her tech. books. She likes soft, romantic kind of music. I don't think she gets much time free due to her workload. Till class 11th, she wanted to play volleyball professionally but things didn't work out (this part I have to know more from her). Her talents - I would say her social skills, reasoning and intelligence - she's not vapid and does not give textbook/run-of-the-mill replies. Her replies are well thought-out and articulated. She's dedicated and clear about her life goals.
She chats with me in the night, about 10.30-12 coz after 10, she has no download limits (as she said), though I suspect its how she plans her day and I'm cool with that. She interacts with boys too, yes from what I saw from her scrapbook. But I viewed it only once and have never returned coz it kinda put me off, seeing all the competition. 8O

Posted 2 years ago #
SaurabhStar , the admin
Luv Guru

Hello Tintin,
Now that your answers are clear.. Now that a lover can feel the sense and sentiments of lovers, Welcome to the raising world of lovers falling in love. [quote][b]YOU ARE IN LOVE[/b][/quote].
Your answer for my second question is really the one I expected. great brother.
1. You just eject off the feeling or concern that She might not feel her best with you. Whatever is the case, You must assume that you can bring the best of liveliness to her.
2. You believe in heavenly soul and power. I think you do believe. You should let him (god) responsible for your odds /even.. (You need to attribute everything to him(god))
3. Really the onus is on you. Things are in your hand until you get a clear picture from her side.
4. It is not of much concern for now to find out what she feels about you coz this was of concern till now. Whatever you could find out about her feelings for you till now is enough to proceed.
5. Night time chatting is really a positive sign.
6. You should now exhibit your feelings, How and what to do is detailed below in brief.
7. The answer for second question should be manifested in reality if such situation happens.
8. Start using words like - "mujhe nahi pata - muje aisa kyu laga ya gussa kyu aya" - when she asks you why did u feel bad when I was chatting with another guy or .............
9. If something wrong happens with her i.e. if she is in bad mood, just correlate with her conveying that you are in somewhat similar situation. Suppose she is acting dull these days and she says u that these days my mind is not at its best. You should reply her with situation similar to her fate that you too are experiencing your bad luck these days (don't relate your situation to hers directly, relate as similar not same..) Likewise you can apply to any odd happenings with her.
10. Interact with her surroundings. See who interacts with her. How much time does she spend with what and whom? And try to win others time for yourself. If you are successfully able to do this, this is going to be another major positive sign. You are of competitive nature, Use your nature in this case compete better than other guys/girls...
11. You're not doing anything wrong. Don't be passive and don't think passive.
12. Let me assure you that whatever she feels for you, even if you propose her anytime, she won't refuse directly, be assured that your friendship won't break, one more assurance from my side - The time you'll propose her, she will feel delighted from inside whether her answer is yes or no.(I guarantee you)..
13. Whenever you propose, make sure she is in delighted mood and her time those days are really productive for her.
14. Now you need to come out of the shadow. Let ur feelings be express and indirect at the same time. Let ur jealousy be express and questioned at the same time.
15. Always be the real YOU. Don't ever do yes-yes or no-no to her thinking i.e. don't nod to whatever she says. Contradict her thinking whenever you feel the need.
15. Make your career serious-lined. Your career and future should be prospective..

Your homework for these days: Do you write creative lines poems shayari yourself?? If yes, you must use the best of creativity and etch few lines stating your feelings in summed up form.

[b]Feel free to ask/discuss your unanswered question or points or plans[/b]. I shall be pleased to continue ...

Sapno ko sajo kar mai rah gaya
Teri chahat ko chun kar
Jindagi me bas bhigo kar mai rah gaya. - By SaurabhStar

Posted 2 years ago #
tintin
Member

Hi Saurabh. Wow thanks for your advice, really it helped to quieten the chatter in my mind a lot, especially no. 12. :-) I'm writing down all the points. And about my career, yes I'm very sure of its prospects, though not apparent in the beginning years (have interacted with various people closely associated with it). A few questions I wanted to ask:

1. Sure I'll do the homework (used to write poems long back, though never describing any feelings). But is it just for me, i.e. to sum up my feelings/ marshal my thoughts or are you saying this is way of showing my feelings in an 'express and indirect way' to her?

2. The proposal part. When is the right time (apart from her frame of mind that time)? As per point no. 4, you said there's enough evidence at hand to proceed. I think you were meaning point no. 14, no?

I'll post more if I have problems, though that seems unlikely. The sun's shining brightly outside, its a great day. Woot! Plus today is Mahalaya so an auspicious start. Haha...I'm getting carried away. Yes I'll plan something really good for her. Thanks so so much, again!! Did I say thanks? Thank you!

Posted 2 years ago #
SaurabhStar , the admin
Luv Guru

My advice has no meanings if it doesn't help you fetch and feel the true love of hers you are craving. I wish that you could put these simple things in practicality. Wish you all the best of love and fate.
1. Whatever lines you compose is meant for her, not just for you. But you should not be deluded that hard words are necessary for a great poem. You should be descriptive and write long poem (even you can write poem in narrative way - I wrote a poem long ago for my girlfriend who was hurt due to my misbehavior - [url=http://vlovers.com/forum/topic/lines-that-direct-straight-frm-my-heart-to-hers]http://vlovers.com/forum/topic/lines-that-direct-straight-frm-my-heart-to-hers[/url] - See this as example, I wrote in Hindi because She is more comfortable with this language, I just tried to present my feelings , I didn't follow particular rhyme or any standard, I just let my heart flow to her feelings, to my feelings.)
Writing poems is not just the way to convey your feelings expressly & indirectly at the same time(poems and loving lines are of course a great way if written with real feelings.). By using this particular clause(express & indirect), I mean a lot more. You should do things, react the way that signifies your feelings but at the same time be unknown, unaware of why's of your reaction.
2. With point no. 4, I wanted you to feel authority over her i.e. a feeling that one develops when proposal is accepted, when love is accepted from both sides. The feeling of guarantee.
With point no. 14, I want you to react as a lover reacts - trust, care, romance, love, jealousy - all should be expressed clearly but to avoid any odds, you should act as that you are not aware of your feelings, why you do so, why u felt like that...
I must say you not to waste time to propose her.. Before proposing, engage her into any exciting theme related to romance or something like that and then propose her.. You should better do this while chatting..

And you'll post more not only if u need any discussion but also keep me updated of your progress, I really like to listen to experiences and excitement of lovers especially of those who are going to propose.. Wish you best of love and fate! - Love is the soul of god :love:

Posted 2 years ago #
tintin
Member

I will put these points into practice. That's my word.
And yes I feel emboldened to proceed from my side just wanted some assurance - that you have given. You want me to act as a lover acts/behaves, yet not be conscious of it. But all I have been doing till now is not due to anything I have thought out, things just happened. :-) And I hope to carry on this way.

Thank you so much for your wishes, I wish the same for you too. Absolutely, I will keep you posted on what happens.

Posted 2 years ago #
SaurabhStar , the admin
Luv Guru

Hello tintin, Things just happened not with prior thought -- You're right, even now things will happen, this contemplation is just a part of your unplanned adventure coz the reality presents a bit different scene.

Keep in touch. Take care.. Kind wishes for your kind conducts!!!!

Posted 2 years ago #
tintin
Member

Saurabh, man, things didn't work out. Destiny had other things in store for me. Learnt yesterday night she is already committed to another guy. I have been utterly and completely naive and took her friendliness as something else. Really how did I ever hope for anything without meeting her in person frequently. So many things are left unsaid otherwise.
You know I used to pride myself as being different from the crowd of desperate Indian males who start dreaming things up if they get any attention from a female. It seems I was always like that. This is what comes of not being freely social with people, especially girls. I'm just thankful I didn't do anything stupid and embarrass her. At this point she knows more about me than some of my closest friends. Should I continue as friends? Please rest assured I have no lingering hopes or anything, because she was pretty clear about the thing. Trying to get myself engaged in other ways to keep my mind off this....

Thanks for all your help dude.

Posted 2 years ago #
SaurabhStar , the admin
Luv Guru

Hey bro, Really sad to know about this.. I told you in my post - Whatever you could find out about her feelings for you till now is enough to proceed. AND also that u must not waste time to propose her. You should have proposed her months ago. Frankly speaking, for a person like you, its not easy to accept rejection. I can feel the pain you are feeling now. Even my heart weeps if somebody's love is not met..
One more thing that my heart says is - Her commitment might die sooner or later (although I don't want so or wish so but thats what my experience says about girl of her kind.)...
And don't forget you're the best. God might have something different in store for you.
Yes, you should continue as friends, You won't remember anything while you are engaged with her in chatting or so but as u quit chatting, you may recall all your feelings and nothing can clinch your pain that moment.
Let me still wish you the best of love!!!!! keep up the spirit!!!!!!!

Posted 2 years ago #

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